2013 made me stronger because……

I can see a rainbow
I can see a rainbow

As the last few hours of 2013 approach, I want to reflect on what a year this has been for me and my family.  You may think I just want to see the back of 2013 and wipe it out of my life, but in fact I want to do the opposite.

Yes some events of 2013 have broken my heart and changed me forever, but it’s not all doom and gloom.  If I just sat here and dwelled on the bad, I wouldn’t be able to get out of bed everyday.  There have been some days I have wanted to stay in bed and hide myself away from family, work, chores, friends, life, news and just thinking, but if anything, 2013 has taught me what to get out of bed for.

2013 made me stronger because………it gave my family hope, happiness and excitement when we were still raw from my auntie passing away from cancer in Dec 2012 and attending her funeral in Jan 2013.  It was so hard having such good news to share with my family when I know they were still grieving for the loss of auntie Bun.  I was torn between being so elated to be expecting my first child and feeling so sad that she had lost her brave and courageous fight.  The news of bringing new life into the family made us strong and happy again.  I thank 2013 for that.

2013 made me stronger because……..it made me realise that there is a time when you must admit to yourself that for all your best efforts and interest in something, if it becomes a chore and you start to not enjoy it anymore, it is not a failure to walk away.  I am proud that Rik and I set up the Guernsey Dub Collective Volkswagen club in 2012 but the lack of enthusiasm and support was draining us both.  We could have carried on and dragged it along but what was the point when we weren’t getting any pleasure from it.  It took courage for us to be strong enough to walk away from it knowing that we had tried.  I thank 2013 for that.

2013 made me stronger because……..after carrying my son for 39 weeks and 5 days I lay silently in bed breathing through my contractions throughout the night of August 15th whilst I let Rik sleep so he was rested in the morning.  I was scared and excited but I now know that I am brave and strong because I worked with my body and started labour spontaneously on my own.  I thank 2013 for that.

2013 made me stronger because………after carrying my son for 39 weeks and 6 days and being told my son had passed during early labour, I supported my husband whilst he broke down and sobbed in my arms.  I didn’t realise I was strong enough to keep it together for the both of us.  I couldn’t have made the decisions about my body that I had to make that day if I hadn’t kept it together.  I thank 2013 for that.

2013 made me stronger because……..three weeks after loosing my son, I found out that I no longer had job security and coped with the fear and confusion this came with on top of everything else.  I dealt with the news in a mature and dignified way and now have the opportunity to stop and look at the options available to me.  I feel more determined to look after myself and be valued.  I thank 2013 for that.

2013 made me stronger because……..when I was trying to pick myself up things kept knocking me down but I kept picking myself up.  I was constantly seeing doctors and specialists getting tests, scans and checks done but this, and constantly being on antibiotics for a while, didn’t break me.  I found strength in the fact that I was being looked after, needed to recuperate and that things could only get better.  I was finally given a good clean bill of health in December.  I thank 2013 for that.

2013 made me stronger because……..after waiting for three months to get the full post-mortem results, I have not been deterred from trying for another baby again in the future, even though what happened could happen again.  I now have a lot more knowledge about my body and pregnancy and will be monitored more in any future pregnancies.  I thank 2013 for that.

2013 made me stronger because……..it made me realise what a blessing it is to have children and that if I am lucky enough to be pregnant again, how I must cherish every moment as you never know what the outcome is.  I thank 2013 for that.

2013 made me stronger because……..it made me realise the importance of life, to not get weighed down with things that don’t make you happy and make you grow as a person and appreciate good friends on a stronger level.  2013 has shown me true friendships and that the best things in life are free.  I thank 2013 for that.

2013 made me stronger because……..it gave me the courage to reignite a passion for music and singing and to audition for a local choir in 2014.  I thank 2013 for that.

2013 made me stronger because……..it taught my family that life is short and we must embrace the time we have together.  By doing this, it has brought my family closer together which makes me happier.  I thank 2013 for that.

2013 made me stronger because………it reminded me how lucky I am to have Rik by my side to experience life’s highs and lows with.  It made me appreciate him more and love him deeper, and made us stronger as a couple.  I know that we can get through anything now.  I thank 2013 for that.

Finally, 2013 made me stronger because………it gave me the courage to see a rainbow and that there is still hope, happiness and excitement for 2014.  I thank 2013 for that.

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