Day 31: Sunset (Capture Your Grief 2013)

Sunset
Sunset

So it is the last day, day 31 of Capture Your Grief (in memory of Freddie Leigh Bromley) and the subject title today is ‘Sunset‘.

I have decided to use an image of a bright, powerful and energetic sunset that I captured on day 12 of this challenge from our bedroom window.  When I look at this image it makes me feel warm and hopeful, like there is something beautiful ahead among the darkness.  It makes me want to travel to find that warm place where there is hope and life.

When I first came across the Capture Your Grief 2013 challenge for Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month – October, I thought it would be an interesting project to get involved with.  I enjoy photography and writing so it seemed perfect for me and ideal timing.  Now the project is drawing to an end I feel I have accomplished more than I set out to and reached more people than I had hoped for.

As it is the last day of October and the monthly challenge, I received the most gorgeous flower arrangement and beautifully written card from my sister who wanted me to take a moment to look back at how far I have come in 76 days since Freddie passed and also pause and reflect on what I have achieved in 31 days.

In the last 31 days not only have I helped confront my grief by taking part, but also allowed my family to face theirs by reading my daily image blog posts and gaining an insight into how I am feeling.  Although reading my blog posts may have hurt them at the start, they have now come to look forward to seeing what I have captured, created and written.  I know it is a photography challenge in the main part but I felt I wanted to explain the reason and feelings behind each image.  Although I won’t continue to write daily, doing this challenge has definitely ignited my passion for writing again and I look forward to posting regularly my continued journey through grief.

It is interesting to see how my sister has observed my experience over the challenge:

“Over the past month you have grieved, studied, reflected, paused, applied, examined, travelled, laughed, cried, created, wished, hoped, captured, remembered, loved, inspired, helped but above all else, given Freddie a voice and helped so many.”

It has been suggested by many people that I turn my entries into a book which I can publish to help support other people in my situation.  I didn’t think my little rambles would interest or help anyone but it has become clear that they do and have.

I haven’t said everything I have to say or shown everything I have to show, but what I have done is stay true to myself and speak from the heart.  However I don’t want to forget the real reason I am doing this and that is to honour Freddie and as my sister says, give Freddie a voice.  So these are my promises to Freddie in his honour:

I promise to write a book about you and get it published and raise some money for SANDS.  It make take some time as I have no idea where to start but I am sure I can do it.

I promise to continue to write down my feelings, stories and pain about you on my blog and speak from the heart, regardless who it might hurt, upset, offend or annoy.

I promise to say your name everyday and not be ashamed to say you exist.

I promise to include you in our family and never be embarrassed to do so.

I promise to say that I am a mother and have you when people ask if I have any children.

I promise to not be tough on myself and embrace the dark moments and days.

I promise to continue to love your father and keep him safe.

I promise to talk to you and keep you in my voice.

But most of all I promise to be a mummy you are proud of and accept by your side one day when we will once again be together.  x

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