Day 30: Growth (Capture Your Grief 2013)

Growth
Growth

Day 30 of Capture Your Grief (in memory of Freddie Leigh Bromley) and the subject title today is ‘Growth‘.

I was honoured to grow Freddie inside of me for those nine precious months and enjoyed every special second of it.  I treasure his scans because they are all we really have to show for his life.

The day I first saw him appear on the screen in front of me at the 12 week scan he was wriggling around and the sonographer made a joke about how active the baby was.  Seeing your baby for the first time is a truly amazing experience.  Until that point you don’t think it is really happening, the pregnancy test might have been wrong.  From that point on it seems so real and so scary but so exciting.

You then just wish for a healthy baby and that is why the 20 week anomaly scan is so very important.  We went to that scan looking forward to seeing our baby again and finding out the sex, but most importantly that the baby was healthy.  I felt like I held my breath as the sonographer went through her checks and I just lay there not saying a word.  When we were offered the opportunity to find out the sex, we said that we would like to if possible.  I remember vividly the image on the screen and knowing it was a boy before the sonographer even confirmed it.  It was a bit of a shock to me at first as I thought we were having a girl but to have a healthy baby which was a boy was fantastic news.

He was so perfect, and the images were so clear right from his cute button nose, to his little heart.  The anomaly scan really allows you time to take in your baby’s features and get to know them.  The scan pictures are a bonus but there is nothing like seeing your baby move around inside of you up on the screen.

We were offered a scan at 35 weeks because his fundal height had been measuring over the 90th centile so they wanted to check on his growth.  They also wanted to check on the positioning of the placenta.  It was a privilege to get to see him again and consoling to find out that everything was fine and he was average size for his gestation.  He was rather sleepy the morning of this scan with his head tucked into his chest and even gave us a little yawn as if we had woken him up.

Having these memories of seeing Freddie grow is so important and ones we will cherish until we see him again.  This tragedy has made me grow as a person.  It has made me take life more seriously and appreciate the value of it.  I now view the world through a different perspective and I am glad of that.

My senses have been heightened.  I feel more, love stronger and think deeper.  I see the beauty in simple things, in nature and in life.  I care less about things that don’t matter and more about the things that now do.

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