Me and my big mouth!

‘Me and my big mouth!’ is the title of the first post because just a few weeks ago me and my big mouth got into trouble. Not with the law, thankfully, but with my husband, friends and family! Drink was involved it has to be said, but I thought I would share my embarrassing story with you so I can get it off my chest……

The scene of the crime was at a function where I was hosting a table. My husband was helping back stage and I had filled my table with friends and my sister. I had a new dress on and felt pretty good and my husband had bought a new suit so looked rather dashing. I arrived at the function and just didn’t feel 100%. I can’t put my finger on why but although I felt confident in how I looked, I was just not right on the inside. I blame it on PMT and being a nervous host but I think others would say alcohol and just simply ‘me and my big mouth’.

It was about two hours into the function and a glass or two of wine had definitely passed my lips but I would say I was still in control. I was in the ladies and there was just one other girl there and as I passed her to walk out the door, I popped my head back in. The next few words that came out of my mouth were “oh you must be pregnant then?” A genuine question and one I now wish had stayed in my head rather than passing my lips. For the look on the girl’s face told me the answer but she politely replied….. “no, I’m not pregnant”.

Oh boy did I feel rubbish!

I tried to think quickly and asked if she had any children (hoping she would say that she had a newborn and therefore make me feel a bit better) but eleven and nine aren’t exactly newborn! I apologised profusely and rambled on about how you hear about people saying something like that but never think it will happen to you. At this point she was politely nearing towards the door to escape me and probably heading for the nearest ‘Weight Watchers’ meeting all because of me. I continued to apologise as I walked out of the ladies with her only to see her loving husband waiting for her outside. I thought this wasn’t the time to hang about and tell him what happened and apologise again so I quickly headed back into the function room.

I think from then onwards I was pretty much a lost cause for the rest of the night. I told my sister, my friend, my boss, basically anyone that I thought could provide me with some consoling words. They were lovely and tried to make me feel better and one informed me of a similar incidence that they had experienced but nothing made me feel any better. So the way I had felt at the beginning of the night was now ten times worse!

Trying to get on with my night I had a few more glasses of wine to calm me and try to block out the embarrassment but little did I know that this feeling would return with vengeance the next day. The last hour or so of the function I honestly can’t remember much about. I have patches of memory which seem to be all good but the rest was filled in for me the next day as follows:

  • I introduced myself to the little sexy one from Two and a Half Men (on Britain’s Got Talent) and then sat on his lap and got a photo taken.
  • I annoyed the other two of Two and a Half Men by not wanting their photos or autographs and generally being loud.
  • I encouraged my sister to have her photo taken with him but stood and laughed when she fell over in front of him without helping her up.
  • I got blisters on my feet from my shoes so decided to remove them and walk around the function barefooted.
  • I talked through some of the acts and couldn’t remember who won it and repeatedly kept asking who had.
  • I then decided to fondle my bosses boobs on the way home in the taxi telling her what an amazing boss she was.

    The next day I had to contact my friends and my sister oh and my boss to check out if they were still my friends, sister and boss. The outcome was my boss found it funny, my husband gave me a telling off but remembered he couldn’t lecture me too much as he is no saint, my sister didn’t reply to my emails or texts for a week until she had forgiven me (which she has now, phew) and my friends were lovely and some said they found me entertaining and others were feeling as bad as me (obviously for different reasons).

    So the morale of this embarrassing story is ‘never ask if someone is pregnant’, ‘never host if you are a better guest’, ‘never attend functions with close family, partners, friends or work colleagues or anyone you know basically’ and ‘never think that fondling your boss’s boobs is going to get you a promotion’.

    Well that’s my first post and hopefully you liked it.

    Keep coming back for more or ‘subscribe’ so an email is pinged over to you when a new red said post is up.


    Nicole x

  • One thought on “Me and my big mouth!

    1. You could be wrong – note I increased your hours fairly soon after the boob fondling incident :-). And you didn’t so much fondle as lightly stroke leaning over the passenger seat from the back of the taxi. Bless!



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